BDSM is often referred to as “gourmet sex,” and indeed, you have a large menu of possibilities, some spicier than others, of course!
This article is excerpted from an interview that was originally published on www.adultFriendFinder.com. Alt.com Editor, Marianne Messina, asked Cléo Dubois, “What are some fun, erotic ways to get started in kinky play (BDSM)?” In response, Ms. Dubois took readers step-by-step through our first scene. While the scene depicts a Dominant Woman and male bottom, the process will work for everyone.
Negotiation: Figuring Out What You’ll Both Enjoy
The first step is to talk about our fantasies with our partner and negotiate the scene.
- How will it start?
- Where will it take place?
- Will there be role-play?
- Is it a prelude to sex or not?
- How do both partners see their fantasies unfolding?
Let’s say that your partner is a man who has always wanted to wear women’s clothes. The two of you might negotiate a scene where he/she will be a captive forced to dress as a maid and serve the Queen, and you will be the Queen who benevolently dispenses praise for good behavior and spankings for bad.
Select your safewords. Safewords are words agreed upon in advance by both partners so that the submissive partner can communicate to the dominant partner even while they’re playing a role. Often people use the words “yellow” and “red.” “Yellow” is the submissive’s way to tell his/her partner “slow down, ease off, boundary ahead.” Using this word frees the bottom to say things like “No, no. Stop!” and not really mean them. “Red” means bring the scene to a full stop immediately.
Preparing the Scene
You’ll need a good three or four hours for the whole scene. As the Dominant, you are responsible for designating a play space and instructing your partner on what to wear and how to present to you. Have your toys ready, too. Do not forget to use your hands, and especially your voice. Unplug the phone and set the scene with some low lighting, maybe even some candles, and some sensuous or evocative music.
For this scene, ask your partner to find a frilly apron and some sexy high-heeled shoes. you’ll need candles, a dog collar with a chain – one that fits your bottom’s neck – these can be found at the supermarket as well as in a leather store – maybe some light bondage wrist-cuffs. You’ll also need a sleep mask or blindfold and a piece of nylon rope, not longer than ten feet and not too thin (twine can cut). Look around the kitchen and see what catches your eye. A wooden kitchen spoon makes a great spanking implement, as does a wooden backscratcher if you have one. Find some clothespins to use as nipple clamps. If you want a more Victorian feel, play some Mozart! Pick your costume carefully.