Erotic Switching Intensive for Private Players

New Course from Cléo Dubois and Eve Minax: Erotic Switching Intensive for Private Players July 12-14 @SFCitadel!

Really curious about finding authenticity in your BDSM Play?  Maybe it’s time to try a new position! Join Cléo Dubois and Eve Minax for the First and Only Erotic Switching Intensive for private players ever!  We will welcome up to 16 people to join us for 2 days of sharing hands-on the physical skills, psychology, and eroticism on both sides of the whip! Or rope!  

Who this course is for:

Been Topping and want to bottom?  Always bottomed but want to take charge for a change? This is your opportunity to challenge yourself and see what new archetypal energies come into play!

No need to self identify as gender queer or switch, just bring an open mind and desire to learn and grow!

Questions?

Visit our FAQ page. Or email Eve@EveMinax.com or call Minax at 415 994 2887!

Ready to Apply?

This first ever Erotic Switching Intensive will be held July 13-14 at the SF Citadel. Meet & Greet Friday, July 12 at a private SOMA location. Click here to apply!

Leather and Spice: Beginning the Journey

Leather and Spice: Beginning the Journey

By Marianne Messina and Cleo Dubois

In this interview with Marianne Messina, Cléo Dubois talks about how her personal journey into BDSM began, where to find information when you don’t have a mentor, and how BDSM can help people grow in their erotic relationships. A longer version of this article, aimed at newbies and those who are “kink curious” appeared on www.adultFriendFinder.com in August 2004.

Download PDFDownload a PDF copy of this interview



 

Marianne Messina (MM): Can you briefly talk about your personal journey with BDSM and maybe what you’ve learned about the variety of options in the BDSM world?

CLÉO DUBOIS: I did not always know that I was kinky. In my 20s I loved to pick an argument with my lover, provoking him to get rough with me and then feel so sorry that he would do anything to please me! Well, that sort of manipulation totally disappeared from my life once I discovered my SM, the link that brought my sexuality into focus. I started to integrate all of the aspects of myself: brat, good girl, submissive, sadist, disciplinarian, mentor, control queen, Domina, mentor, slut, nurturer and ritualist.

Cleo Dubois, with friends, from the early days of her journey into BDSMIn the early 80’s, with the encouragement of a kinky boyfriend, I began exploring the SM frontiers in the San Francisco Leather Community.  These fantasy/mind/body explorations were a powerful venue for my erotic fulfillment and self-discovery; they taught me that negotiated sadomasochism is a valid path to self-discovery, healing and intimacy. It didn’t take me long to realize that I loved bottoming [being the one who submits] as well as topping [being the one who dominates], as long as it was consensual and negotiated.

I joined the first local SM education group, The Society of Janus [www.soj.org], attended all meetings and volunteered for everything: spanking, flogging, bondage, play piercing etc. Once I felt that I knew enough to be a safe player, I became a professional Dominant out of my passion for the Scene.

MM: Say someone’s trying something for the first time — bondage, spanking, whatever — and they don’t have the benefit of a mentor, how can they approach it safely?

CLÉO DUBOIS: First look into your fantasies, and follow your intuition. Decide what you are willing to actualize. So, you want to be a little brat and be spanked by “Daddy,” or you, Mr. Businessman, want to be a lipstick lesbian for the evening, tied up and teased by your girlfriend? If you think that the time is right, bring it up in loving conversation with your partner and listen to their response. If someone paints a picture you don’t feel you fit in, say so. You are the only one who can tell if the idea of doing something kinky turns you on or off. Listen to yourself.

Start slow whether you are the top or the bottom. It is a real good idea to leave your partner wanting just a little more, but it can be devastating for both of you, to hurt him/her by pushing yourself or them, whether you are the bottom wanting more or the top wanting more.

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Next, where to get information, BDSM and erotic growth >>>

Finding Better Kink Instruction

Finding Better Kink Instruction

In the wake of Fifty Shades of Grey, it seems like kink has taken over the Internet. A Google search of the phrase “BDSM education” turns up over 12,000,000 entries. With so many people claiming to be “experts,” how do you start your journey in kink safely? Who can help you acquire a solid foundation that will serve you for the rest of your erotic life?

When I began learning to embody my versatile kinky desires, there was no Internet. I join the Society of Janus and volunteered. Times sure have changed! If I was new to these explorations of consent and power I too could get lost in the tidal wave of kink that is flooding the Net.

If I were just starting today, and wondering if someone was a genuine and ethical BDSM educator, here is what I’d ask:

      • Is this BDSM educator a lifestyle player or is s/he just trying to cash in on the kinky trend of Fifty Shades of Grey?
      • How long has this person been in the Scene?
      • Is s/he active in her local leather/kink community?
      • Is s/he clear about why s/he has chosen this work?
      • Does s/he credit others in the community for their contributions?
      • What do others with long standing in the community have to say about this person?
      • Is s/he published or interviewed by others about her passion and understanding of Kink?
      • Does s/he focus only on technique or does s/he understand the emotional and spiritual aspects of BDSM?
      • Is s/he concerned about the individual needs of students? How much does s/he want to know about you?
      • If s/he teaches a course that requires significant time/money, does she offer a phone number so that you can see how you feel about one another before you commit?
      • Does s/he talk about BDSM’s capacity for personal empowerment & healing?
      • Does she teach from the perspective of integrating sexuality, heart and spirit?