Leather and Spice, page 2

Simply telling the truth about what you want sexually but have been embarrassed to ask for can be an immensely freeing experience, especially if it’s received well.

MM: With so much sex education online, where do you advise that people just starting to explore BDSM go for reliable information?

Cleo and Brad discuss what they want from a scene in this photo shot during production of Cleo Dubois' educational documentary, "The Pain Game" In this day of the Internet it is certainly much easier than it was before Leatherfolks started coming out en masse to get informed. Today you can just type “BDSM” or “kinky” into your search engine and find an enormous amount of material. It can be truly overwhelming – the advice might be sound, but it might not.

One alternative is to join your local community. Most metropolitan areas have educational/social leather groups as well as “munches” where kinky folks, including people who are curious, can meet around a meal in a public restaurant – don’t worry, street clothes are the dress code and the conversation stays family friendly. It is a good idea to email the group leader/organizer first and ask some questions to get a comfort level about what to expect, who attends, etc.

San Francisco’s Greenery Press (www.greenerypress.com) specializes in books for the sexually adventurous, including nonfiction BDSM books. I maintain a list of my favorites on my website.

MM: What are some of the ways that BDSM can help people grow in erotic relationships?

CLÉO DUBOIS: Simply telling the truth about what you want sexually but have been embarrassed to ask for can be an immensely freeing experience, especially if it’s received well. Even if it isn’t, to be daring and put the truth out is healing in and of itself. Of course, fear of rejection is a big hurdle.  I encourage people to pursue their sensual explorations freely, always pointing out the beauty of their vulnerability, sexual desires and sadomasochism. I truly find it beautiful in a world of distrust and repression to let someone guide you to these places, or allow yourself to go there. Erotic energy is good.

MM: As a dominant woman, you work with men, women and couples. Is there any way, that you’ve noticed, in which submissive women are different from submissive men?

CLÉO DUBOIS: There really is no comparison. Each person brings his/her own particular flavor to their submission, and each is beautiful in its own way. However, men tend to have more visual ideas in their fantasies and women are more about their feelings. Submissives of both genders always want to know if they please their Dominants.

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This post was written by
A ritualist, BDSM educator & kinky coach, I founded the Academy of SM Arts in 1995 to share with others what I had learned since beginning my journey into BDSM in the 80's - that negotiated sadomasochism is a valid path to self-discovery, intimacy and healing.
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